there she goes again.

here’s what i shall do post-exams! (and also because i’ve not been inspired to write properly lately)

• lunch + karaoke with the uni gang
• attend church camp (can’t wait!)
• make christmas cards & tags
• do christmas shopping!
• paint a pair of white sneakers charcoal grey
• swim as much as i can whenever the weather is sunny
• attempt to bake cranberry muffins as an experiment for christmas gifts
• catch up on movie-watching/tv-watching/leisure reading
• go on holiday to new zealand (can’t wait too!)

and in between all of that, try to complete as much FYP as possible. HEH. Happy holidays all!

Ich verstehe nicht alles, aber das ist okay.

been rediscovering oldies this week; part of my stress management during exam prep week. (:

and i found james taylor’s sweet baby james.

ell, there is a young cowboy he lives on the range
His horse and his cattle are his only companions
He works in the saddle and he sleeps in the canyons
Just waiting for Summer, his pastures to change

And as the moon rises he sits by his fire
Thinking about women and glasses of beer
And closing his eyes as the doggies retire
He sings out a song which is soft but it’s clear
As if maybe someone could hear

(Chorus)
Goodnight you moonlight ladies
Rockabye sweet baby James
Deep greens and blues are the colours I choose
Won’t you let me go down in my dreams
And rockabye sweet baby James

Now the first of December was covered with snow
And so was the turnpike from Stockbridge to Boston
Though the Berkshires seemed dream-like on account of that frosting
With ten miles behind me and ten thousand more to go

There’s a song that they sing when they take to the highway
A song that they sing when they take to the sea
A song that they sing of their home in the sky
Maybe you can believe it if it helps you to sleep
But singing works just fine for me

the lyrics are simply poetic, beautiful. there is a reason why i love oldies the best.

it is a load lifted off my shoulders, and the answer to my prayers, somewhat.

it’s comforting to know that an alternate route has been paved and the work has been set for us to do. now we need to live up to what’s ahead and do the very best we can do. this time, it must be as perfect as possible. tonight, i shall sleep in peace for the first night in weeks.

now what’s left is to think up some diplomatic and polite well to tell them our new plans without pissing anyone off. nobody said change was easy.

i admit that i’m a fan of american idol. and to destress in the midst of crazy exam prep i’ve been rewatching season 7, also known as the david cook season. i like david cook. i liked david archuleta too (i say liked cos i don’t like the songs he’s recorded after the show, but i did enjoy his american idol performances. because i like ballads.)

but i think my favourite contestant that season, whom i’ve been happily rediscovering, was michael johns. the aussie! with the really soulful voice. who got kicked out too early.

this was on loop as i sat down with a small stack of ethics readings this morning. i daresay it made exam prep a tad happier. i am listening to it again now and ah, whats not to like?

One year of not hearing you, seeing you, greeting you when I walk through the doors after a long day of school. In many ways, I admit to not missing you and moving on with life.

Yet in many others, I wish you were still here.

But I know that you are with Jesus right now and you smile down from heaven at us. And that knowledge is the greatest gift you could’ve left us with.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

And no, I don’t feel any better after typing that.

“Slowly I began to understand that I had been seeing God from such a narrow perspective. I had boxed God up and compartmentalized Him into thirty minutes each morning. But in reality, He had been waiting for me to realize that He had invaded all the parts of my day, if I would just pay attention.” – Nancy Ortberg.

He’s waiting for me, right now.

I spent the entire night freaking out, the getting mad with myself. And repeating the cycle. And getting antsy on the wonderful stimulant called caffeine, on which I overdosed on.

I shed tears. I complained. I vented.

But at the end of the day, my problem is not the workload.

My problem is the fact that I can’t see Jesus sitting next to me. It’s the fact that I can’t see God’s mighty hands carrying me through all this. It’s the fact that I want to carry my own burdens and not lay them down at the cross.

I need eyes that see more of God in my life. A heart that is willing to surrender. A soul blanketed and engulfed in knowing Him.

My problems won’t exactly go away. At least the ones involving a crazy workload and pressure to perform. But I will be able to face each trial with joy in my heart, physically tired but spiritually hopeful, anchored, always in Christ. steadfast and unwavering, I will walk on water.

I wonder, while drafting an important document and sipping my non-fat iced cafe latte, how on earth we’re going to get through all this madness.

I wonder why I must feel so guilty for carving out 12 days in total in December to take a break, and why I have this warped idea that rest is not an option.

I wonder why I can’t be superwoman like some people I know, and work endlessly and tirelessly.

I wonder too much about things I wind up having no answer to.

As such, I count myself as human, and conclude that because I am human, I cannot be SUPERwoman. Because I am human, I do not and will not know ahead of time, how we’ll get through these crazy months. Because I am human and I have my weaknesses and failings, I will feel guilty though I need not be.

But because I am human, I need God. I need Him, my source of strength, my hiding place. My comfort and my shelter. My provider, whose grace I know is sufficient for me. Who never leaves nor forsakes me. Who always keeps His promises and never breaks them.

And if I weren’t human, I wouldn’t be sitting here now, a product of His grace. I wouldn’t know how to put my trust in Him (or whatever little of it I have).

He will carry me through these days, I know. Will you let Him carry you through yours?