This unsettlement in the core of my being stirs more often than it perhaps should.
A yearning for something more, a quiver of intense longing for something other than where I’ve been placed. Despite the gripes and complaints, life has been good to me. I stand corrected. God has been good to me. All the time.
Yet it feels like life only begins after 6pm. When there are meetings to attend to, e-mails to read, people to meet and things to write. It is then that my heart feels engaged in what truly matters, my mind buzzes with inspiration (sometimes) divine.
It’s not as though the way I make a living doesn’t allow me to make a positive impact on lives out there. It does, in so many ways. I just wish I could do more than this allows me to. Somewhat mismatched, this job and I. And it leaves me hankering for something bigger, something deeper, something that keeps me going .
I want to smile idiotically when I talk about what I do at work, not gripe about it. I want to appear each morning at the workplace (or most mornings, at least) fresh and ready to begin a new day, eager to receive new challenges. I’ve learned so much in the last 7 months, but the desire to move elsewhere still stays with me, and it is no passing phase but a decided yearning placed in my heart.
I’m afraid to take the step I want to take, to leap out of the boat and walk on the water but it’s something I know I must do, a challenge I need to face, a change which must be effected.
It’s frightening, but here I go anyway.
