because i don’t understand why my work matters anymore.
when all i feel is that whatever i’ve tried to do has failed, that i have failed as a person. that i haven’t lived up to expectations, and that i’ve failed to meet the benchmark.
enough of the ‘Jesus took away the yardstick’ talk for now. i can’t stay here, can’t do this anymore. not coz i don’t want to, but i see no point in doing it when i just end up shouldering the portfolios ‘nobody wants to do’. at the end of the day, i’m the office slave who gets no merit for anything, just a bunch of volunteers who are ‘useless’.
i’ve always had a heart for developing people, for uncovering buried gems. but seriously, when everything is so damn futile, what’s the point?
the truth is, the past year has left me disillusioned and jaded, and while there have been firm friends made and new passions found, i think it’s high time to look ahead.
they tell me it’s all in His hands, all in His time.
i’m running out of patience. and my hands are outstretched to the heavens, asking for just a little more grace to live through each long, draggy night till dawn breaks.
